Azumanga Duoh?
by Wheresmekilt
Summary: What happens after all the characters graduate, and the teachers are left to face brand new students? Shock! Awe! Lots of OCs, teachers still the same. Pairings as they happen. I'll do my best to keep it in line with the characters, though. Alcohol usage.
1. Disclaimer

Well, here goes. I'm starting another story that I probably won't ever finish. Yeah, I've got a bad track record. In my defense, I've been working on an actual book, so that's why my other stuff never updates.

Yet I'm still starting this? Yeah, I know.

Anyway, I don't own this setting, Minamo Kurosawa, Yukari Tanizaki, Kimura-sensei, or any other Azumanga Daioh characters that end up in here.

However, most of the characters, the situations, and all of the puns are mine. There will be many, many puns (may be unsuitable for jocks), some advanced theoretical mathematics (but not much), and quite a lot of theoretical philosophy/theology (may be unsuitable to conservatives).

Enjoy!


	2. Strange Beginnings

"Yukari-chan... seriously? This always happens." Minamo Kurosawa sighed and supported her drunk friend as best she could. A fairly young P.E. Teacher at a local high school, Minamo radiated amicability and kindness. At least, usually.

"Look!" Yukari Tanizaki, an English teacher at the same high school, pointed at the sky. "Aren't they pretty!" She had long brown hair, an irresponsible streak, and was currently wasted. "Nyamo-chan! Look!"

Minamo winced and dodged a light-pole as her good friend and fellow colleague careened about the alleyway. It was slightly after midnight, during the summer break. _And it's a good thing, too,_ Minamo thought, _because otherwise the principal would have her head for drinking. Again._ She sighed, again, and tried to maneuver Yukari towards the mouth of the alley. "Come on, Yukari-chan. It's late, and heaven knows you're going to be hung over enough tomorrow."

"Excuse me, but..." A light hand tapped Minamo's shoulder. "Perhaps I could be of some assistance?"

"Rehh?" She spun, trying her best to keep Yukari under control at the same time. It didn't really seem to be working. "Look, I'm sure you mean well, but just- waaah! You're huge!"

She stared up at the quiet man who had tapped her on the shoulder. It was plain to see that he was a foreigner, but he had a good grasp of Japanese. He was massive, easily head and shoulder above the schoolteachers. On his face was an expression of sincere apology, and Minamo had to keep a giggle down. He seemed to be full of contradictions, his long ponytail and glasses a contrast to his unkempt and unscholarly appearance. "Yes, I'm afraid so. I'm sorry to intrude, but you look like you need help." He held up his hands hastily before Minamo could insert a hasty 'no-thank-you'. "I understand, I do. It's really too bad that you don't trust me, but it's how the world works, I'm afraid. If you want me to, I'll leave. I am just offering to help, Miss. Nothing else." He smiled weakly. "I guess that a criminal would say the same thing, though."

Minamo paused, and Yukari smiled dreamily as she staggered around, held back only by the iron grip that the P.E. Teacher kept on her. The drunk woman hiccuped. "La la la la, buckets..."

"Y'know, I really shouldn't do this, but..." Minamo sighed. "Thank you for offering, and I think I'll take you up on it, Mister -"

The big man smiled gently. "Takashi. Kurita Takashi. Of course, I usually go by Jumbo. You can probably guess why." He paused as Yukari bumped into him, and a look of consternation passed across his face as he laid a hand on the drunken teacher's shoulder. "Hmm. I'm not sure quite what to do."

"What? What do you mean?"

Jumbo frowned. "Well, it wouldn't be right if I picked her up or manhandled her across half the city. Perhaps-"

Minamo checked her watch briefly. "Well, she'll pass out right about... now."

Yukari laughed. "You silly. I'm still wide-"

"Wow." The big foreigner's bushy eyebrows lifted. "I'm impressed." He bent down and gingerly pulled the unconscious teacher up, supporting her weight easily. "Any other predictions?"

"Uh, actually, it's probably a bad idea for you to-"

Yukari's eyes flickered open for a second, and she smiled. "Firing!"

"Ah." Takashi looked down. "Let me guess. She doesn't drink this much on most occasions?"

Minamo covered her mouth with her hands, aghast. "I'm so sorry! She's- she's- I'm so sorry!"

The tall foreigner smiled. "Nah, don't worry about it. I'm used to this, sadly enough." He looked down at his shirt, covered in vomit. "My friends who drink end up like this enough as it is, so I've gotten into the habit of wearing old shirts to bars now."

"Uh." She paused. _Is this guy for real? Is he sane? What kind of person doesn't mind getting puked on? _"Kurita-san, I'm very sorry about that."

"Nah, don't worry about it." Jumbo just shook his head and smiled. "Where would you like me to go now? Oh," he tapped the side of his nose with his free hand. "It's Jumbo to his friends, anyway."

Minamo smiled despite herself. "And so I'd be calling you Jumbo why, exactly?"

"Ah! I'm injured, truly." The trio reached the end of the alleyway, and Minamo led the way down the street. "But you see, everyone I meet is a friend. It's only strangers that you can't talk to." He looked up at the sky. "Your friend was right, incidentally. The stars are beautiful tonight."

"I- I guess so." Minamo sighed to herself. _Yeah, he's probably crazy. Oh well, at least he's helpful._ "So, uh, Kurita-san, do you live around here?"

"Around here?" He looked up again. "Not really. I'm new to this part of town. Luckily for me, the sky's always the same."

They came to a stop outside Yukari's house. Minamo unlocked the door with her spare key. "Well, here's her stop."

"Righto. I'll wait outside, then?"

"If you don't mind." After dragging Yukari in and wiping the drying vomit from her friend's mouth, Minamo dumped the sleeping teacher in bed and returned to the door, locking it behind her. She looked over at Takashi. "Thank you, Kurita-san."

"Please, I don't do well with honorifics." He scratched his chin idly. "They don't really fit me."

The young P.E. Teacher smiled reluctantly. "Well then, Jumbo-kun, it's the least I can do to pay for your shirt-"

"Please, there's no reason to do something like that." The tall foreigner shook his head. "Don't worry about me, miss. I've lived through worse."

"Minamo. Kurosawa Minamo," she said, on a whim.

He inclined his head. "Kurosawa-san." He looked around again. "Well, I can probably find my way back from here, so I'll bid you goodnight and stop intruding, Kurosawa-san."

"Wait!" Minamo frowned in disbelief. "You don't plan to walk home, do you?"

Jumbo looked puzzled. "Well, actually, yes. I mean, it's not that big of a deal-"

"You'd get lost! I could drive you, maybe..." Though she felt foolish, Minamo still offered. "I mean, it's the least I could do, after-"

"Really, Kurosawa-san. It's not a problem. Thank you, but there's no need." He chuckled. "Besides, I'd hate to get your car dirty."

She paused, at a loss. "But... I really ought to..."

He smiled reassuringly at the young teacher. "It's fine, Kurosawa-san. Now, if you don't mind me saying, I think it's time that you get a move on yourself. It's getting to be rather late, neh?"

"Wait! Will I get to see you again?"

Takashi paused, thinking. "Perhaps, Kurosawa-san. Who knows? This life or the next, it all depends."

With that, he disappeared into the night.


	3. Apples to Apples

A/N: Well, apparently, doesn't accept submission from midnight to three in the morning, so that's why there was a delay from the disclaimer to the first chapter. In case you were wondering. Also, to the two people who've already responded (wow, that's pretty awesome, by the way), thanks!

Also, in case you're wondering, I usually denote section breaks with a trio of asterisks. However, doesn't recognize that as text. Thus, I improvise.

X X X

Two weeks passed without incident. On the morning that school started, Minamo arrived early to get a fresh start. All her old students had graduated, and she faced a fresh class, full of unfamiliar faces. _Much like three years ago,_ she decided with a wry smile on her face. She sighed and cast a quick glance over at the workspace next to hers, where Tanizaki Yukari _would_ have been sitting. "Late as usual, eh?" The whispered words carried well in the empty teacher's lounge. Suddenly, the door opened. "Yukari, I'm surprised! You're almost on- rehh?"

Kurita Takashi paused, his expression like that of a deer in headlights. Suddenly, he smiled, one eyebrow quirked upwards. "Well, well, well. I must say, this is a pleasant surprise indeed."

"Kurita-san! What are you doing here?" Minamo stood shakily. "I've heard there was a new teacher, but..."

The massive foreigner inclined his head in a nod. "Why yes, I am the new teacher here. It seems that the administrators of the school need a philosophy teacher, and so they hired the first hack they found." He chuckled to himself. "I guess I'm lucky to have a job, though."

The young P.E. Teacher offered him her hand. "It's nice to meet you, again. So, Kurita-san, are you the new homeroom teacher for class two, then?"

"Ah-ah." Jumbo shook his head. "That won't do, Kurosawa-san. I'm just Jumbo."

"Uh, okay."

He pulled an apple out of his pocket. "Want one?"

"What?" Minamo paused, confused. "An apple?"

"Yeah." He tossed it to her. She caught it somehow. "It's the best way to wake up in the morning, y'know."

She frowned. "Really?"

"Yeah. Better than coffee, at least. I'm not sure if it's better than tea, so I just hedge my bets." He pulled another out of his pocket and tossed it into the air. "Besides, they're good for you." He caught it in mid-air.

"I see." She looked over at the clock on the wall. "Well, it's going to be a little while until class starts. Were you looking for something?"

Takashi shrugged. "Not really. I'm just kinda wandering."

"I see." Minamo smiled despite herself. "Has anyone ever told you that you're a bit odd?"

He just laughed.

SECTION BREAK!!

Watanabe Kiiro walked into her class and paused. On the blackboard, it read _Welcome Class Two! _Around her, a group of students milled about, talking and laughing in small groups. As the young girl walked through the crowd, she spotted one of her friends and smiled. "Hey! Aki!"

Tsurumeta Akiko turned and waved, spying the other girl through the mass of students. "Kiiro! How are you?"

"Oh, I'm fine. Y'know, I hear we've got the new teacher this year for homeroom. Isn't that exciting/"

Akiko shrugged. "I guess. I'm not really sure if it's all that good or not." Any further conversation was cut off by a loud crack from the doorway.

They all turned to see a massive foreigner crouch and stagger into the room holding his head. He groaned. "Frigging doors..." Looking up, he winced. "Right. Anyway, I'm Jumbo, your homeroom teacher. Why Jumbo, I think you can easily tell." A hand indicated the board behind him. "You're all Class Two, in case you can't tell. Right, all of you, up. Up, up, up." He waved his hands. "Come on, up!"

The class stood slowly, each student glancing around for answers to the strange behavior. One student raised his hand. "Uh, Jumbo-sensei, what are we supposed to do?"

"Move the desks." The big man gesticulated wildly. "Come on, get 'em out of the way. Clear a spot." Soon, there was an open section in the room. "All right, there we go. Everyone, take a seat."

Someone raised their hand as the class looked around.

"On the floor," Jumbo clarified, shaking his head.

SECTION BREAK!!

"Kurosawa-sensei!" Minamo blinked and looked up. Her class stood at the entrance to the gym. She smiled.

"Coming, coming!" She set the clipboard down and stood. "All right everyone, I'm your physical education teacher. It appears that some of you already know who I am, but for those of you who don't, I'm Kurosawa-san." Tugging on her sleeves absentmindedly, Minamo looked over the class. They were all fairly young, roughly divided in half between boys and girls. They were from Class Two, she realized. "So, today, we're going to start-"

"Kurosawa-sensei?" A tentative hand went up. "Uh, I don't mean to interrupt, but..."

Minamo smiled reassuringly. "Don't worry, uh..."

"Tsurumeta Akiko, Kurosawa-sensei." The girl paused, trying to choose her words carefully. "Is it possible to switch homerooms?"


	4. Tolerance

Author's note: I might seem a bit preachy in here, but eh. It's kinda going to happen. If you don't like this, I apologize. To Xanith: I'm going to assume that you're making a Yotsuba& reference? Nah, I'm only borrowing the name, not the character. I mean, it's pretty common. Or should be. Anyway, on to philosophical ramblings! Hmm... maybe I should change the category...

Oh, and I'll try to make each update around 1k words or more. I know it's a bit short, but hey, I'm currently working on a full-length book, AP Classes, and Not Failing High School. That last one's a biggie...

X x X

Jumbo sat cross-legged on the floor as his class came in. "Right, you lot, down to business!" He waited until they sat in a circle, and then he grinned. "So. Welcome, Class Two, to Philosophy. This is the class where I challenge your beliefs, force you to back up your world view, and generally debate stuff. Any questions?"

One student, a dark-haired boy, raised his hand. "Isn't that technically against school rules? To talk about religion and beliefs, that is?"

Jumbo grinned. "True, but since I was hired specifically to teach you about Philosophy, I'm going to assume that the school board is overlooking this. Anything else?" The class was silent. "Right, now, onto the basic rules of this class. As soon as we start, no one is anything but equal. I don't want to hear 'sensei' being thrown around in here, because I'm not here to teach you. You teach yourselves. The only reason why I'm here is to force you to think. Ideally, I'll throw out a topic, and then we'll go at it." He smiled. "So, that's about it. Everyone's polite, everyone respects each other's opinions, and we should be good. Oh..." The big foreigner raised a finger. "One more thing. Don't lose your cool. If someone's giving you crap about what you believe, defend your thoughts, but don't go overboard. I'm completely willing to hand out essays to people who are on either side of such conversations." Crossing his arms and nodding once, he pointed at the blackboard. It read _Tolerance_. "See that? That's what we're working on today."

"Um, Jumbo-sen-" The young girl paused, and then shook her head quickly. "Jumbo-san, what do you mean? I thought you said that this was a philosophy class..." She faltered under his stern gaze.

He sighed. "Right. I should probably explain this." He stood. "Hold on a second." Walking to the door, he grabbed a student walking by and pulled said student into the class. "Imagine that this student-" He gestured at the confused person next to him, "- is homosexual."

"Um, excuse me," the girl said, "but if you don't mind, sensei?"

He glanced over, shrugged. "Sorry, just jump-starting the discussion. It'll just take a second." He looked back at his class, paused. "Huh." He looked back. "Damn. Maybe I made a mistake."

The long-haired woman quirked an eyebrow at him. "Maybe. I'm afraid I'm no student."

"Apologies, then." Jumbo shrugged again and turned back to his class. "So, anyway, like I was saying-"

"However, you're spot on for number two."

He stopped mid-sentence, turned back to look at her. "Really? That's never happened before. Pretty much all today it's been the other way around." He shrugged yet again. "Nice to meet you, uh..."

"Tomoko. Matsuoka Tomoko." The woman offered him her hand. "And you are?"

He took it. "I'm Jumbo."

"I can tell." Tomoko smiled wryly. "And this class is? Queer Quarrels? Gay Gabbling?"

"Actually, it's Homosexual Happenings," Jumbo said, without missing a beat. He turned to his students, who were all staring at him with expressions ranging from outrage to shock to laughing disbelief. "The first step to finding common ground is to break the silence, and that usually involves making jokes or starting on a neutral topic. In this case..." He looked back at Tomoko and quirked an eyebrow. "We've apparently started with jokes."

She laughed softly, the sound filling the silent room. "Indeed. However, your class looks somewhat puzzled."

"Indeed. Of course, sometimes, jokes aren't always appreciated. You have to know how to pull it off. For example, you can't just bring up the 'Ha-ha-holocaust' and expect Jewish people to welcome you with open arms." There were a few titters. "The way to Tolerance is all in relationships. You can't hate someone who you've just gotten to know." Jumbo nodded to Tomoko in thanks. "If you need to get going, feel free."

A short pause. "Well, actually, I'm not in any rush. Mind if I join the conversation?"

"Not at all," he replied. "Not at all."

Asterisk Asterisk Asterisk

Jumbo settled into his workspace with a sigh. "Ahh, I'm tired."

"Had a long day?" Kurosawa Minamo glanced over at him. "Jumbo... I wanted to mention this to you now." She sighed. "One of your students asked me if it was possible to switch homeroom teachers this morning."

He paused, his expression crestfallen. "Ah, man. Don't tell me who, though. I mean, it's up to him or her if they want to switch. I guess... I dunno."

"What did you do for homeroom?"

Takashi shrugged. "The usual. Get-to-know-you activities, basic classroom rules, the basics. I- oh." He scratched his head, uncomfortable suddenly. "I think I know what did it. I said that I'd pretty much use homeroom for announcements, activity planning, and class."

"Well, that's why." Tanizaki Yukari leaned out from her messy workspace. "Students hate classwork. If you try to take away their early morning sleeping time, they'll want to switch."

Minamo shot her a glare. "Just because you doze off in your homeroom doesn't mean the rest of us do."

Jumbo shrugged, oblivious to the short argument. "Well, I'll give it a few days. I'm kinda hoping just to get some conversation going. It's unbelievably hard to get high schoolers to talk about their beliefs."  
Yukari snorted. "Talk about favorite foods. Like snow crab..."

Asterisk Astaroth Asterisk


	5. Unkind Words

A/N: To Chargone (and anyone else who had the same question): I admit, yes, most philosophy ends up being either 'no god' or 'tolerance', but admittedly, that's because it's fairly easy to begin. I started with the whole 'being gay is a-okay' thing (and I so trademark that phrase) because everyone here on seems to agree.

I was considering going into a discussion of militaristic viewpoints, or even different types of government, but you have to realize that disbanding the military is a lot more offensive to people than 'let's love gay people'.

Not to say that you're incorrect. I hate seeing philosophy boil down to basic arguments, especially when they're misused. However, in this case, I feel that it hooks the reader more effectively than a dissertation on why I believe that socialism is the best form of government. Will I cover that? Probably. It's just safer, for now, to use less problematic statements.

And to think that the whole gay rights issue has just been described as less problematic than anti-military views.

Also, I realize that the students usually don't change classes, but it's coming out a bit later. They just came back from P.E., right? Yeah, I'm completely bs-ing here, but really, I'm just kinda lazy. Don't worry, though. Someone will eventually pop in and wonder why all the students are sitting on the floor. Maybe.

Also, as you may have noticed, I've switched the genre of this piece. I'm not sure what it's going to end up being, but who knows? I'm just calling it General for right now.

X x X

Kurita Takashi walked into the classroom, his homeroom seated in a circle on the floor once again. He walked to the blackboard and picked up a piece of chalk. "Today, I'm going to give you all a bit of crap to think about. However, for right now, we're going to talk about something I've been wondering." Turning, he gazed down at the twenty-some students in his homeroom. "What are all of you looking to do in homeroom?"

A short pause. "Wait, what?" One student, Masamichi-kun, raised his hand cautiously. "Are you asking us what we'd rather be doing?"

Jumbo shrugged. "Well, more or less. I've got no idea what homeroom is actually for, and so I thought I'd ask you. Word is, it's like a study hall, so I'm willing to do something like that if you'd like. However, I also don't want to just sit here for a good half hour doing nothing. So, what do you guys prefer?"

"Well..." Tsurumeta Akiko looked around for support. "I don't know. I mean, usually the teachers tell us what to do, not ask us for input. Isn't it technically your job-"

Jumbo looked offended. "Excuse me? What did you say?"

"I'm sorry! I- uh-"

He chuckled, dropping the fierce facade. "Don't worry, Akiko-san. I'm not actually angry. However, you do bring up a good point. Teachers don't ask you students for input. Luckily for you, and me as well, I'm no teacher." Jumbo dropped into a cross-legged position in an opening in the circle. "I'm a 'Discussion Leader'. It's an important-sounding name for a position that lets me argue all day. So, anyway. Any thoughts?"

Philosophy for Class Two began with a sense of anticipation and eagerness. Jumbo sat down in the circle and pulled out a folded sheet of paper. Laying it out on the floor, the class leaned in to look. It was a world map. With a finger, Jumbo tapped North America. "They're screwed."

Confusion warred with disbelief on the faces of the students. Masamichi-kun scratched his chin. "Jumbo-san, are you insane?"

"Yes." Takashi grinned. "Next question?" He shook his head, smiling. "I know, I know. America – the promising world power that seems to be controlling the world. They've got all the shiny stuff, they've got a crap-ton of money, and they know it. So, why do I say they're screwed?" He tapped North America again for emphasis with each word. "Hedonistic tendencies."

"Uh-"

"Right, sorry. Forgot about that. Hedonism, at least in it's purest form, is the idea that only what is pleasurable is good. For example, a hedonist would say that art is good, as long as it is pleasing to the eye, or the mind, or both. It's pleasure seeking, plain and simple."

Akiko raised an eyebrow. "So what's the problem? It sounds nice."

"Of course it _sounds_ nice," Jumbo said, a slight smile on his face to offset the sarcasm in his voice. "The problem is when you base an entire society around it. Even a little hedonism causes problems, but an entire nation? They're screwed." He shrugged. "Dunno how long, but eventually, their society and government will collapse."

Another student interposed his thoughts quickly. "That's impossible. Just because they like to enjoy life, their entire nation is going to crumble? How do you figure?"

"Simple. Look at where they are today. Heck, look at where the entire world is today! We're in a rut; a rut of shiny new technology and brand new ethical problems. Tell me, how much time do you spend watching television? Playing video games or computer games? How much time do you spend on the Internet?"

Watanuki-kun, a light-haired young man with piercing eyes, snorted derisively. "And why does that make a difference? Just because we're relaxing doesn't make us morally off-kilter."

"True. However, it's when you start to focus on that 'relaxing' that it becomes hedonism. An extreme example of hedonism is casual sex. You want the enjoyment without any of the boundaries or the conditions. The American ideal of pleasure first and foremost affects every aspect of their culture. Divorces are common in America because, hey, it's not like marriage is a commitment or anything." Jumbo almost snarled as he finished. Sarcasm covered his words like grime. "Treaties? Past agreements? The United Nations? Pfft, bugger that. It's not like we need to worry about consequences." Takashi's blatant anger hung in the air.

Despite the worried glances that the others exchanged, Watanuki-kun smiled viciously. "It sounds like you've had a few experiences like that, eh, Jumbo-san? Something fall through over where you're from?"

His withering gaze pinned the student in place. Even Watanuki's cold eyes couldn't hold their own against Kurita Takashi's will and control. The young man blinked and glanced away. Jumbo began again, quietly. "I'm only going to say this once. My past, and anything contained within it, is not up for discussion. Unless I specifically bring it up, you're all to let it go. Do you understand me?" Worried nods met his question. "Well, this is a class discussion. Go to it."

Jumbo stood and left. He didn't want to see the pity and fear evident in their eyes.

3-4 Hyphens and then press Enter

The cool breeze pressed against his flesh, sending a short burst of chills running futilely up his arms. He clutched the railing on the roof's edge. Staring off into the horizon, Jumbo heard the door behind him open. Soft breathing, irregular and wispy, and footsteps. A presence behind him- no, two. "Yes?"

He turned to see Minamo and Akiko there. Kurosawa-san's fingers drew back, halfway to tapping him on the shoulder. "Hey, Jumbo."

"Jumbo-sensei, school is over." Akiko looked up at her P.E. Teacher for support. "You can go home."

Takashi turned again, staring over the railing at the horizon. "Home."

"Yeah, Jumbo, home. I think perhaps you need to get some sleep."

He shook his head, still looking off into the distance. "I _need_ to forget. I _need_ to move on. However, what I'm going to do is go home." He turned, a sad smile disappearing from his features. "Funny, isn't it?"

"What?"

Kurita Takashi chuckled once, quietly. "I think our main problem is an unclear definition of value."

Line that is supposed to represent section breaks...

A/N: Just in case, I'm using the Japanese style of names in this. Kurita Takashi, in the English system, would be Takashi Kurita (first-last, rather than last-first). Also, -kun, -san, and -sensei are Japanese endings that work like titles. -San is like mister/miss, -kun is a special title that I've really only seen used to denote high schoolers, and -sensei pretty much means teacher. There's a bit of info in case that was confusing you.


	6. The Night Watchman

Okay, first off, I'd like to apologize for my severe lateness. I really wanted to update, but honestly, what with school and other stuff, I kinda messed up. Also, I really shouldn't have started work on another fanfic without finishing some of the loose ends I already have. Another also – I've been thinking more about my full-length book than anything else. Thus, the long delays. I apologize.

Oh, and also, I wanted to mention – I have some pretty strong views, and I hope I'm not offending anyone here by writing them into this fanfic.

Anyway, back to business!

X x X

Takashi paused at his door, one hand on the knob. The door swung freely, moving inwards at his light touch. Inside, something tapped against a hard, wooden case. He pushed past the wooden slab that had failed in its purpose of impeding unwanted visitors and stepped carefully down the hallway that led to his kitchen. Past the coat rack, past the small end table, past the light switch. It was dark in the room beyond, but his eyes could make out a shape wriggling by his refrigerator. Pushing his glasses up on his nose, the massive teacher stepped through the threshold and flicked the light on. A black-suited thief spun in surprise, holding a lock-pick and a small cube in gloved hands. A black ski mask hid any telling features. Jumbo smiled easily and walked to the island in the center of the kitchen, dropping his keys on the blocky table. "Good evening. Can I offer you a drink?"

"Uh- it's not what it looks like," a female voice squeaked. "I'm, uh, a gardener?"

He pulled a glass from the cabinet and opened the refrigerator. "I've got lemonade, tea, and coke. What suits your fancy?"

She started to slink away. "I'm not thirsty?"

"Not yet, girlie." One massive paw shot out and snared her collar. "What do you want to drink?"

The mesh threatened to slip from his fingers as she strained to get away. "Let me go!"

"Well, I'll just decide for you. I think I'll boil some tea." Takashi readjusted his grip and reached for the kettle. "Perhaps some chai, eh?"

She paused. "Chai?"

"Chai."

"Chai sounds good." She set the small cube on the island gingerly, freeing her hands, and Takashi's eyes narrowed for the briefest second as he saw the item.

He filled the pot expertly, even with one hand. "So, while we're waiting, could you tell me why you're trying to rob me?"

"Well-"

Jumbo set the kettle on the stove and dialed the burner up. "I mean, it's not like there's anything of value here, and what money I have can barely pay for the rent." He half-guided, half-pulled the lady thief into his living room, and dumped her in one of the seats. It was a cozy little space, boasting nothing more than the two seats, a small table in between them, and a handheld radio that sat on the floor next to the table. Sitting down across from her, he regarded her calmly. "So, it confuses me why you go straight to my spice box and try to pick the ornamental design."

"Uh..." She fidgeted in the seat, obviously contemplating making a run for it. "I-"

The kettle whistled, and Jumbo rose smoothly. "I'll be right back." Before the thief could even move, he returned with the kettle, two mugs, a small pitcher of tea, and the little spice box. He sat them down on the little table in the center of the room. "You were saying?" He popped the box open and pulled out two wads of chopped herbs. He put one wad into each mug, and poured the boiling water in. The thief looked on in wonder as he added the milk without missing a beat. Jumbo handed her one of the mugs and took the other, sitting back in his seat.

"Look, I don't know what you're trying to pull, but-"

He chuckled. "What _I'm_ trying to pull? Lady, this is my house, and I distinctly don't recall inviting you in."

She stood. "I'm sorry about this, but just call the police if you want to. I'm leaving."

"Sit down."

"I-"

"Sit."

She sat.

"You decided to break into my home, which is decidedly illegal. This would normally warrant arrest. However, I'm a firm believer in rehabilitation, so you're going to sit here and talk with me until I decide that you've paid off your debt." Takashi smirked. "And I won't call the police."

Her lips turned down as she made a face. "What kind of lonely old man are you?"

"A nice one, apparently, because I'll forgive you that one." Jumbo sighed. "Why did you break in?"

She shrugged. "Felt like it."

"Bull shit."

"It's the truth, man," she protested.

A sip from the mug. "Drink your chai."

"You-" She sighed. She drank a sip.

He cocked an eyebrow. "Well?"

"Okay, look. I had a job. I was supposed to break into one sixty-five seven, Jihan Nobuka. So I did. I'm sorry that it ended up being your place."

Takashi coughed slightly. "Uh, lady, this isn't one sixty-five seven. This is one seventy-two nine."

She paused. "Really?"

"Yes."

"Shit."

He sighed. "And let me guess. The object you were sent for was a small wooden cube, right?"

"Well, yeah."

"And you supposed that my little spice box was this same item, right?"

"Well, yeah." She sighed. "Look-"

"Drink your chai." Takashi smirked. "And take that silly ski mask off. I'm surprised you aren't spilling everywhere."

She hesitated. "I can't take it off."

"Oh, I'm sorry. Is it some sort of birth defect?"

"No, you don't understand. It's not an option, whoever you are."

"Kurita Takashi."

She nodded once. "Kurita-san. The point is, there's no way this thing is coming off."

"Too bad. I'm asking you nicely. If I have to ask again, the police are going to show up very suddenly."

Trying furiously to call his threat, she held up two fingers. "First off, I can just run, and second, there's no way you can call them without letting me know."

"Unless I already called them, in which case they'd have this building surrounded when they get here."

The portion of her face that was visible paled. "You wouldn't have done that."

"Mmm. Of course, if you're a good little girl 'till then, I could tell them that there's no problem, and that you're just a friend visiting."

"That's blackmail."

He chuckled and sipped at his chai. "No, that's life. You chose to break into my house, lady. I have the option of just turning you over to the police right now. However, I'm being kind. Take off the mask."

"I'm not-"

"Off."

She took the mask off. "Fine. Happy?" She ran a gloved hand through the black hair that spilled out from inside the wool. Judging by her face, she didn't look more than eighteen. Takashi frowned. "What's wrong now?" The girl stuffed the mask into a pocket. "Don't tell me you've never seen a girl before."

"Not one as young as you in the business of robbing houses." The massive foreigner sighed. "What's the world coming to?"

She sat up straighter in the seat. "I'll have you know I'm nineteen, old man."

"Y'know, I'm only five years older than you."

Her eyes widened slightly. "No way. You act like my dad!"

"Who, incidentally, doesn't know about this little side-business, does he?"

She paused. "You wouldn't."

"Don't give me reason to." Takashi sighed. "What's your name?"

A sip from the chai. "Sayuri."

"No last name?"

"Not that I'm telling you."

He laughed. "All right, all right." He looked at his watch. "It's twelve-thirty, Sayuri-san. I'm sure your parents are wondering where you are."

"Like hell." She snorted bitterly. "My mother died three years ago, and my dad doesn't give a shit about anything any more."

Takashi paused. "I'm- I'm sorry to hear about your mother."

"Wasn't everybody?" Sayuri sighed. "It doesn't really mean much, though. She's just as dead no matter who's sorry."

"No siblings?"

"Hah! No, I'm an only child." She drank some more of the chai. "This is good stuff."

"So why are you robbing houses, anyway?"

Sayuri choked on a mouthful of the milky tea. She coughed. "Look, are you going to keep prying like this until the police get here?"

"Who's prying? The way I see it-"

She nodded wearily. "Yes, yes, I know. If I don't want to go to prison, I had better be your bitch."

"Language, girl." Takashi frowned and set down his mug. "Look, Sayuri-san. I'm not asking you about favorite childhood memories or whether you felt abandoned when your mother died. I'm asking you things that pertain directly to me, and whether I should turn you into the police or not."

"Fine, fine. All I know is that he contacted me online and gave me the address. Six minutes later, I got six thousand richer. I'm due another six thousand once I drop the box off in two days at the appointed meeting place."

Takashi looked shocked. "Twelve thousand? Yen?"

"No, dollars. It's an odd job."

He took off his glasses and cleaned them on his shirt before replacing them, frowning all the while. "You're in deep, Sayuri-san."

"Deep in what? I mean, it's not like he knows who I am."

Takashi sighed. "Famous last words."

She sipped more of the chai. "Look, Kurita-san. I may not be entirely aboveboard, but y'know, you're not my dad. I'm a big girl, and I can take care of myself."

"Oh, really? Apparently, you're a big girl who hasn't quite learned how to burgle houses, because you're not good enough to keep from getting caught."

She started to stand up. "I don't need to-"

"Sit down, Sayuri-san." Takashi didn't even need to raise his voice; she sat. "I'm telling you this because there's somebody out there who wouldn't waste a second calling the police if he caught you in the act. Worse, somebody might pull a gun on you." The bespectacled teacher sighed. "Sayuri-san, there's a difference between being good and being lucky. You're not apparently either, but if you do ever get good, there's no guarantee that your luck would hold out. You're not looking at much of a future."

"Well, thanks, _dad_," she snarled. "What would you recommend?"

Takashi blinked. "Excuse me?"

"You heard me. If you're so smart, then tell me what to do. Obviously, you're doing just as well, because you're sitting here telling me how poor you are. How have _you_ fouled up, Kurita-san? Are you sure we're so different?"

He drank the rest of his chai. "Sayuri-san, I'm telling you this because I made the same kind of mistakes that you did. I ran here, from my home in the United States. Just because I'm fluent in Japanese doesn't mean I was born here. I thought that if I went to the other side of the world, I'd leave my problems behind me. Let me tell you, Sayuri-san, it doesn't work." The very words he spoke seemed to age him, creating lines and wrinkles in his youthful skin. "Let me tell you, Sayuri-san, the solution seems very easy now. Hell, I was about your age when I came here. Five short years later, and it's all falling apart again."

"So what should I do, then?" In spite of herself, the defiance started to drain from her posture and voice. "What _does_ solve the problem?"

He shook his head and set the mug down. "I don't know, Sayuri-san. I don't know."

X x X

A/N: Hah! Looking back over this, this is probably THE longest section I've written that hasn't included section breaks! Go me! But yes. Apologies again for the long delays. I dunno what else to say about the story right now, so we'll see how it goes, huh?


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